5 Best Strategies for Coping with Intrusive Thoughts

by Dr. Stephanie Larsen | Aug 1, 2024

Dr. Stephanie Larsen

Clinical Pyschologist at Healthy Minds Pyschology Group

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You’re driving in the car jamming out to your favorite song noticing that, “Hey, I’m actually feeling pretty okay today!” And then, BAM! You’re plagued by an awful thought of running your car into the guardrails and crashing. (PAUSE) Now, the next millisecond is approached differently in two different types of people. We have group one that maybe doesn’t have any significant mental health symptoms present and they may think, “Oh, that’s a weird thought.” and then continue belting out their tune and go about their day unscathed. We have another group of people that’s brain is hardwired for possibly more anxiety and depressive tendencies, or their brain has become used to having emotional reactions to their thoughts and this group is suddenly thwarted into the throws of discomfort and torture. The thought of running the car off the road becomes more and more detailed, vivid, upsetting, confusing, and leads to a great deal of analyzing. “Why am I having this thought?” “Do I really want to die?” “Is something wrong with me?” “I have been pretty sad lately” etc. They get to where they’re going and that thought continues to pop up in their head 30 more times throughout the day. This story highlights the frequency of upsetting intrusive thoughts in our head but also demonstrates how we can take control over the uncontrollable. Here are 5 strategies to address your intrusive thoughts and take back control…

5 best strategies for coping with intrusive thoughts | healthy minds psychology group — 5 Best Strategies For Coping With Intrusive Thoughts 1

1. Learn and Over learn “Thoughts are Thoughts”

First and foremost, thoughts are thoughts and nothing more. The difference between the two characters in our story is that one noticed the thought but didn’t give it any attention or emotion and the other noticed the thought and gave it much attention and emotion. We have a ton of thoughts running through our mind in every action of our life, we learn to listen to some of them and ignore the others. I use the above situation because it pulls for more of an emotional reaction naturally, but intrusive thoughts can be highly upsetting, feel dangerous, or can be completely benign. Regardless of the topic or theme of your intrusive thoughts the takeaway message is that they’re just thoughts and have no deeper meaning than that. Thoughts are thoughts and not tied to intention or action.

2. Lay Off the Judgment

Notice your thoughts without judgment. A thought is a thought and nothing more so we can’t put judgment on it. If you want to judge and analyze yourself we judge and analyze our behaviors, actions, and intentions not our subconscious or thoughts that we have randomly. It’s similar to watching a movie with commercials or ads. We don’t judge the movie because it had a commercial for Crest toothpaste and we’re a Colgate toothpaste fan. You ignore the commercial and only put your attention on the movie, we learn to put less emotional attention on those ads and refocus our attention to the main event or movie! Intrusive thoughts are the commercials in our movie, we have to practice putting less energy in analyzing why they have popped up, what they may mean and more attention into our movie or the present moment.

3. Try out Mindfulness

Mindfulness is always the answer. It seems that the world just keeps on supporting more and more of how mindfulness helps our brains function and aids in the general regulation of our emotions. It’s learning to not focus on the why or place great effort in stopping any thoughts that are popping up for you but rather noticing them and then putting your effort into re-noticing what’s going on in the present moment. So you’re driving, let’s refocus our attention on driving or the music. You can ground yourself in the moment by focusing on all your senses. (Touch) What does the steering wheel feel like? Can you run your hands across the steering wheel and feel the bumps or stitching? (Sight) What color are the cars passing by? What do any novelty license plates say around you? What stores are passing you by? (Sound) What song are you listening to? Can you hear the background music or just the words? Can you hear the hum of your air conditioner? (Smell) Does your car smell bad? …no really… maybe it’s your perfume on your wrist or a small essential oil you keep in your arm rest. (Taste) Can you take a sip of water and notice the temperature? Can you pop in a mint and notice the taste? These simple re-focused efforts can help bring you out of your thoughts and back into the reality of the present moment.

4. Meditations

Try starting meditations. Meditation can sound intense and for some with intrusive thoughts seems like an impossible task. Don’t jump to too many conclusions, meditation can be done even by those that brains seem to be going 100mph. A great start is to just spend a few minutes visualizing a scene in your head. Maybe it’s a beach, a forest, or a secluded log cabin. Whatever the place we just want you to try to think about this picture in detail. Many people don’t actually “see” the image but rather are describing it in their head as if they’re writing a descriptive paragraph. Every time a thought pops up, notice it, and then direct your attention back to the details in your image. This is mediation and with practice you’ll get better and better at it. The practice of this visualization can help your brain feel a bit of relief from following the constant spiral or rat race it’s taking you on to decipher your thought process. It can also help you feel in control when everything is feeling out of control. Remember, you don’t have to push the thoughts away, just notice them and keep redirecting yourself.

5. Seek out the professionals

Seek professional support. If intrusive thoughts are interrupting your day-to-day life or are intruding on your ability to be happy it may be time to seek some support from a trained professional to help navigate you through these difficult thought processes. You may benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which helps support an individual through re-examining their thought process and developing new ways of thinking or perceiving situations while addressing behaviors that may help foster relaxation, stress management or behavioral suggestions to support a new way of thinking. There are times that intrusive thoughts lead to obsessions or compulsions which include compensatory behaviors to help neutralize the stress or thoughts. This type of thought patterns may respond best to an Exposure with Response Prevention treatment from a trained OCD specialist. Either way, contacting a therapist and inquiring about potential treatments may get you on the path to alleviating your distress and not having to walk down that path of recovery alone.

We can’t completely control our emotions or our intrusive thoughts, but we can work on how we react to these things. With practice and maybe a bit of support from a therapist if desired you too can have a different relationship with your thoughts and experiences. Here’s to a new chapter in your story! 

Click here to contact Healthy Minds Psychology Group

Please feel free to reach out to us at the above link for any questions, concerns, or appointments. We are a local practice in the Charleston, South Carolina area offering therapy services to children, teens, and adults with a variety of treatment focuses including therapy for anxiety, depression, navigating teen years, parenting, adhd, OCD, panic disorder, perfectionism, general self empowerment and efforts in improving mental health, as well as helping parents navigate IEP and 504 plans with updated psychoeducational testing. We can also offer virtual therapy in the state of Florida. More states to come!!!

If we can’t help you we’d love to try to send you in the right direction. Sometimes you just need a therapist or psychologist to help support you in your own mental health journey.

Talking to your kids about school shootings and gun violence

school violence and school shooting

With the increasing threats and incidents of gun violence affecting schools, it’s understandable that students and parents alike may be feeling heightened anxiety. As adults, it’s our responsibility to guide children through these challenging times and help them manage their fears and understand the situation in a healthy way despite our own anxieties and distress. Children often look to parents or supportive adults to identify the best way to navigate through distress, process dangers, and react to current events. While each situation is unique and each child is unique I have compiled a few strategies to keep in mind while discussing school shootings and gun violence with your children.

Assess Their Knowledge

Start by finding out what your child already knows about recent events. Tailor your explanation to their developmental level

Young Children (Elementary Age): If they haven’t mentioned the event, avoid bringing it up unless necessary. Instead, reassure them about the safety protocols in place at their school, including drills for various emergencies (i.e. fire, natural disasters, active shooters, etc). It’s better to protect their innocence and focus on their safety as well as the importance of complying with school regulations/ safety protocols.
Older Children (High School Age): They will be more informed and most likely exposed to details or actual footage via social media. It’s best to ask this age range open-ended questions to gauge their understanding of the event and understand the details to which they have been exposed. Examples of appropriate questions are:
- “What have you heard about what happened?”
- “How are you feeling about it?”
- “What are your friends saying or sharing online?”
- “What have you watched or seen in social media?”

Listen and Validate Their Feelings

Allow your child to express their emotions without interrupting or correcting them. Acknowledge that feeling scared, angry, and frustrated are normal feelings. Simply listening can help them process their feelings and reduce their anxieties. Don’t try to fix it, just listen. This is not a time to process your feelings but to offer support.

Reassure Them About Their Safety

Help your child understand the safety measures in place at their own school. Identify ways they may feel safe within their school, how teachers and administration are there to protect them and highlight the probability of safety versus violence. Anxiety and the mass coverage in media provides disproportionate views of the probability or likelihood of the situation. While even one school shootings happen is WAY more than should ever happen we want to focus on the number of times that schools are safe and how many times children have already attended school safely. Again, the world is a dangerous place, but we also experience many situations day to day that are not dangerous.

Limit Exposure to Media

Children and teens are often exposed to extensive and raw media coverage of these events. Encourage them to take breaks from news and social media, and to focus on face-to-face interactions. Model this behavior by limiting your own media consumption in front of them. Continued focus and attention on media coverage leads to copy-cat and hysteria-driven threats.

Be Mindful of Adult Conversations

Kids are always listening; Children pick up on adult discussions and reactions, so be conscious of how you talk about these events. It’s okay to express your own feelings, but its also helpful to demonstrate how you are managing your emotion and anxieties constructively.

Get involved.

Channel your own anxiety into positive action. Engage in advocacy in school safety and support local legislations. Participate in school board meetings and familiarize yourself with your district’s safety committee. By law, each school district has a school safety and security committee within the school board, get to know yours, your school policies, and take issue with concerns you may have publicly.

Maintain routine.

While it’s important to follow your own family’s needs and feelings especially if overwhelmed, it can be highly effective to return to routines and structure as quickly as possible in order to provide security and emotional regulation. There’s coping in being mindful and in an established routine, a regular school schedule can help with predictability, comfort, and aid a family to return to baseline more effectively than ruminating on fears. If able to feel comfortable in the routine, many kids than can process their emotions appropriately.

It’s common for school threats around the country to increase after highly publicized mass shootings and while it’s a personal anxious-fueled call to keep your children home or send them to back to school there can be comfort in knowing the benefits of routine and predictability, taking back control rather than being a victim, and recognizing that danger is approximately equal in the days following versus the days prior to an attack.

Seek Mental Health Support

If you or your child is experiencing significant fears of attending school or increasing anxiety consider seeking professional help from a mental health professional. At Healthy Minds Psychology Group we offer support and individual therapy, or you can find a local provider through PsychologyToday.com. For those directly affected by gun violence, those who have directly witnessed distressing footage, or those who have lost a loved one or school mate by gun violence it is strongly recommended that professional aid be sought.

Additional Resources

By following these strategies, you can help your child navigate their feelings and maintain a sense of security despite the challenging circumstances facing our youth today.